- 11:48 A.M.
- Featured Art by Antoni Hopmann (click here to visit his website!)
- Mood: in some sort of zone
Okay, so SURPRISE! I made an actual blog website for my whole Instagram thing without warning anyone. Don’t be mad, don’t be mad. There’s a reason for why I did things this way, and I’ll explain right now, actually.
As a little bit of a background for my more recent followers, my Instagram blog wasn’t actually what it is today at first (I say that like I’m not still trying to figure out exactly where it’s going). When the Instagram blog started, I was going through a rough-ass time. I had just graduated from community college, and my only job had been a work-study job at that college. So, I was out of school, and without a job. On top of that, I couldn’t drive myself around yet (yeah, yeah, I was late getting my license. Got somethin’ to say?), so I was basically stuck at home all of the time, while my sister went to work and my nephew went to school. Now, don’t get me wrong: getting some time to just chill by myself at the house and do as I pleased was pretty freeing for a while. For all I cared, I could drink all the wine in the house and have an argument with our dog, and no one would blink an eye. But, let me tell you, once being at home alone with nowhere to go becomes a routine, that shit gets depressing REAL quick. At the time, I was also trying to cope with having been ghosted by a guy that I was really trying to prove I could be down for (even though it was very obvious that he was just a manipulative asshole). So, all I could do was sit around the house, think about what I must have done to deserve how he treated me, and cry.
I was absolutely desperate for something to do and look forward to, as it was nearly impossible for me to even find a job at the time. So, I decided to at least find something creative to do with the fact that I felt like completely smoked garbage all the time. THUS, @moodsreflective was spawned, and I started recording my thoughts and feelings in relation to where I was and what time it was in those moments. If you look back at the veeerryy beginning of my Instagram feed, you’ll be able to see how fucking angsty I was about everything.
Now, I’m not sure how much I figured that recording my feelings would help my ongoing depression, as I still struggled tremendously, but I did it anyway. However, I posted irregularly, and I didn’t really start taking anything with the blog seriously until earlier this year. I have to give props where it’s due right now, because if it hadn’t have been for my now-boyfriend (a better guy, not the previously mentioned douche canoe) helping me look for hobbies I could be passionate about, I don’t know if I’d be where I am with Moods Reflective right now. I could never thank him enough for that, as I feel like I’ve truly found a niche that I didn’t know I could even fit into. I was relieved, in all honesty. I was starting to get scared that I had absolutely NO talent for a while there. Thank goodness.
Now, here’s the explanation for making the website out of the blue: I waited to make a legitimate website for my Instagram blog because I thought things had to be set up a certain way for me to be able to do that. I thought I was supposed to have a larger following, more content, more this, and more that. I was shook as hell about every little thing. But, in the (similar) words of a fellow blogger (@manifestdestini on Instagram): it’s better to start while you’re still relatively small. Learn now. Make mistakes now. Successful people have failed more times than unsuccessful people could ever imagine!
So, I did the thing.
Now that I’ve messed around a bit and truly started to make this blog my own, here’s what I can say that it is now: It’s a space for me to narrate my life as I learn new things (I talk to myself, anyway, so this is appropriate), and let people know the things I wish I would’ve known when going through the peculiar situations life throws at you. While this blog does heavily advocate for all things mental health-related, I want this to be a space where absolutely no topic is off limits, as I have a SHIT ton of things to learn in this life, and I want to be able to learn from you guys (and be let known when I’m ill-informed about something). It’s a space where I’m gonna continue to vent, rant, bitch, moan, and bring things to the light, and I want everyone else to have a place to do the same thing here. I’m very unsure of the way I speak, so it’s a space for me to be able to have my voice still be heard, and hopefully make a strong impact.
Most of all, this is supposed to be a chill, non-judgmental space. So come as you are, with your burdens and flaws, and let’s suffer our way to the triumphs we’ve been waiting for.
Thank you so damn much for reading. You’re incredible, look at you.