“Fake” People Need Love, Too: Why We Need To Talk About Our Struggles, Not Pretend We’re Above Them

Current Vibe:

  • 7/4/17 (Happy Fourth, people who actually celebrate on the fourth!)
  • Art by John Wentz (find more of that beauty here)
  • 3:59 P.M.
  • Mood: slightly anxious.

Thoughts:

Everybody’s a-sufferin’ right now. You may not think so, especially if you’re plugged into the internet (whoever isn’t either lives under a rock, or is being pretty safe with their mental health, tbh). There are people everywhere who make it seem like your life absolutely sucks ass if it isn’t like their’s. Let me let you in on a little “not-so-secret” secret about those people, though: most of them are probably eating their fair share of crap to keep that image up. I don’t know about you, but remembering that from time to time makes me feel less like I’m doing life wrong.

Now, I’m not saying that to seem like I love seeing people struggle or fail. I still hate seeing people hit rock bottom just as much as I hate experiencing it for myself. But, there’s relief in being able to acknowledge that I’m not the only one. 

Whew, okay. So, now I know that I’m one of the millions of people that wish to disappear every once in a while to get away from whatever reality’s dishing out. That doesn’t totally stop me from feeling like ass, though. In a society that brushes mental illnesses and anything negative under the rug, how do I even find the rest of my people if we don’t feel we can talk about how much we’re really struggling? There’s no further connection I can make if I feel like everyone else has their shit together all the time. So, even among millions of struggling people, I can feel like the odd one out.

Like, I get it. Happy feelings, rainbows, unicorns, and money (let’s be honest) are what we get pats on the back for talking about. You’ve gotta be emitting this aura of sunshine all the time to avoid an uncomfortable “*clears throat*”, and then a change of topic from a family member at the dinner table. But, all we’d be doing at that point is perpetuating the idea that negative emotions don’t matter, and that our problems will just go away if we don’t talk about them.

We have to give our struggles the importance they deserve.

That’s not to say that we are to be defined by our struggles, or that we should let our struggles become all of what our lives are about. But, let’s be clear: to even reach our personal triumphs, we have to go through a shit ton of chaos first.

Think about how you’re feeling right now. If you’re feeling grand, that’s awesome. Keep doing what you’re doing, because it apparently works for you, and I’m proud of you for doing it. But, if you find yourself thinking, “Well, like, I’m okay, I guess”, or if you can admit that you feel like a musty bag of teenage angst, then slow your roll. Realize that you’re feeling this way for a reason, and accept that. Then, realize that you won’t be able to solve any of the problems you have now if you don’t accept and see your struggles for what they are.

Struggling is the most important milestone to being able to better your life. Not that I’m saying that if you aren’t struggling right now, that means you aren’t still bettering your life. But, I’m sure you’ve had to go through some shit first to even get to this point.

Oftentimes, people (like me) feel like they’re not able to handle or cope with life if they feel like they’re anxious or having a mental breakdown every other day. They then find it easy to become hopeless about the rest of their lives, as they wonder if they’ll be less able to handle anything else later in their lives if they’re already pretty miserable right now. But, if we all get our heads out of positivity’s ass, and realize that we need to be able to discuss that misery we’re feeling in order to get to a better point in our lives, I feel like we’d be experiencing much more genuine happiness than we are right now.

Instead of looking at struggles as obstacles to avoid, we need to be able to look at them as experiences to go through and overcome together. We’re always talking about how many “fake” people we run into nowadays, but I feel like we get those “fake” people because we don’t give each other enough space to feel real.

We’re only damaging each other by “sparing each other the negativity”. We’re all a little fucked up, and that’s fine. When someone asks you how you’re feeling today, feel free not to give the generic response of “Oh, I’m doing fine! How are you?”. Admit that you’re a little tired because anxiety kept you up last night. Admit that you’re down because you’ve been having family troubles. Admit that you’re sick because of some underlying health issues. You don’t have to lay out your whole life to a stranger, but you never know what kind of support group you could be opening up for yourself and that other person by admitting that you’re struggling, too.

You don’t suck at life because you’re miserable right now. If you do, then…I guess I do, too. So, I mean, if we both suck, wanna scheme together? We won’t always have to suck.;)

 

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