Am I a Straight Human, or a Gay Lizard?: Today’s Struggles with Sexuality and Gender Identity

Current Vibe:

  • 7/27/17
  • Art by Sandra Ovenden (check her out!)
  • 12:00 A.M.
  • Mood: 


(Actress and Sex Icon, Pam Grier)


Or, well, okay, I think we’ve gone through quite a number of sexual revolutions in our time (dating back to the 1960s as Wikipedia has it, at least), but hear me out. We’re going through what may be one of our biggest and most revolutionary times in sexuality that we’ve had in a while, I’d say. We’re less afraid to show some skin and flaunt what we’ve got, people are opening up more about what we should’ve been taught in our high school sex ed classes, and the rainbows are a-flyin’ as the LGBTQ+ community rises in popularity (and controversy, unfortunately) and seeks to validate all of those who are trying to find themselves in sexual liberation.

Of course, as with any controversial movement, this has some people SHOOK. But, I think people (namely of a different generation) often forget that their interests in sex and sexual liberation, however well-hidden it may have been, is what made our generation in the first place, if you pick up what I’m putting down. They bumped uglies to bring us to life, and that’s just all there is to it.

Now, we’ve realized for quite a while that sexuality is a lot more than just knowing about sex and how it applies to one’s preferences. It’s become more of an art form for the latest generations, and it’s open to any new ways of application. The main focus of one’s sexuality has spread from solely focusing on who people would rather bang, to looking into things like aesthetic, romantic orientation, and especially gender identity. I mean, just look at this list of all these fucking genders, for instance (let me know if some of them aren’t even a thing, because I don’t even know).

Truly, it’s a beautiful thing to see how far acceptance of all of these aspects of sexuality has come, and I’m super pumped to see it continue to flourish. There are all flavors of people, young and old, coming together and finally feeling comfortable and confident enough in their own skin to express themselves in one of the most colorful ways possible. However, with the addition of these new aspects of sexuality, could we potentially be overwhelming those who are still new to it?

So, it’s not a matter of  mainly being either straight or gay anymore. You can be an asexual, aromantic, androgynous transgender woman, and own that shit. But, for those who don’t quite have their sexualities figured out yet, trying to find out who they truly are is like having to fill out those papers a nurse gives you to fill out when it’s your first time visiting a doctor’s office. Like, you’re fumbling through, trying to figure out what everything means and how the things apply to you, and, suddenly, you’re on the brink of an existential crisis. You forget why you even went to the doctor. You almost wanna throw the clipboard of conditions and questions out of the window because you’re panicked and question what everything even is. I mean, is that a fucking elbow you’re looking at, or a kneecap?


I went too far with that one, but I think you get what I’m saying. It can already be difficult enough to come to terms with who you’re interested in, who you’d like to do the frickle frackle with, and why. But now, you’ve gotta figure out what gender you feel (or if it fluctuates between different genders), what kinds of relationships you want with different people, and how to express it in a way that’s unique to you and your newfound identities.

A friend of mine and I were bugging out about this not too long ago, actually. He’s gay, but he’s in this stage of life where he’s still trying to wrap his mind around what he identifies himself as on the gender spectrum. Life starts moving at the pace of a whirlwind when you’re growing up already, but trying to fit all aspects of sexuality in on top of that feels like just too much at times. Though I know that I’m straight as it stands now, I’ve put off identifying myself as anything else because I’m afraid I’ll become anxious at trying to remember who I was to begin with.

There seems to be this pressure to not only figure out every single aspect about your sexuality, but also to figure it out right now. Like, you have to know by the time you’re in your 20’s whether or not you feel the gender you were born, and the full extent of who you’ll be attracted to for the rest of your life. This can put an unnecessary amount of stress on our youth, and can potentially even cause mental illnesses. I don’t even blame them, and I feel worried for them. In order to have a more sexually and mentally healthy society, we have to remember to reassure everyone that sexuality is not a life-or-death situation that requires a split second decision.

Sexuality is not something that’s set in stone. It never has been, and never will be. Who you’re attracted to and what you identify as now could change overtime, and it’s detrimental to personal growth to have to define who you are and who you will be simultaneously. No one has the right to hold who you said you were last week against you when you have an epiphany about who you realized you’ve become this week. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, though: it can be important to at least be a little consistent. Sexuality is also not something you should wear as a fad, so be sure not to feel pressured to change who you are (in ANY situation) based on what seems to be popular at the time. Just a little side note, but that’s beside the main point of this whole shebang.

You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. No one has to, and hardly anyone actually does. Most of us may not even have it all figured out until we’re in our damn 60’s or beyond (it’s never too late to be a lesbian granny). If you don’t even want to fool with it just yet, there’s no deadline for it. And even if you’re just starting to, it’s not necessary to have to identify with absolutely all of it. You’re still allowed to just be a gay girl, or a straight guy, and not have to worry about what your romantic orientation is (unless you want to). You’re allowed to be androgynous in your looks, but not have it tie in to what you identify as. There’s more to life than our sexualities, and we’re all just struggling to balance out time for all of it.

If no one else has tried to lighten the load, I’m here to say that while sexuality is no laughing matter, you don’t have to take it mega-seriously. Just take every thought, experience, and feeling as it comes, and only make it a part of who you are if you feel it is. As long as you’re staying safe out there, it’s none of our business. You GO, gurl.




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