(Model: Gabrielle Stanley)
I’m not hip with the kids anymore. I don’t “hit the Twitter scene” as often as I should (is that what kids are saying now?). But, WHEN I DO, I still find gold, ladies and gents.
A while back, during an annual Twitter creep session, I ran across this tweet:
I was like, “*GASP* A woman bringing up the “controversial” subject of NUDES?! I’m listening.”
While I kinda assumed guys might find it attractive for a young woman to express an opinion in sexuality, I found that they actually reacted adversely to it. They found it weird. Now, what the fuck kind of sense does that make?
That didn’t stop this young woman, though. Not long after that, I ran into THIS:
EGADS. She’s open about watching porn, too?! Why, I never!
And thus, I developed a new girl crush: Gabrielle Stanley (or Gabby, for short).
I’ve actually had a class with her in community college, and have come to know her as an engaging, fun and fiery little something, and she’ll bring the party with her wherever she goes. Even though she’s only 21-years-old right now, she’s got insight for days on living your best life while you can.
So, I did what I normally do best: I fangirled about her to her. It sounds embarrassing, but had amazing results. She was very grateful, and fully willing to share what gives her the courage to be as open as she is about sexuality and relationships.
“Communication is important, whether that topic is sex or anything else. If you aren’t able to explain how things make you feel, or what you’d like to change when it comes to be something like that, then you’ll never be happy.”
I was already on board. I can’t preach ENOUGH about how important communication is with everything. We have endless means of communication for a reason. It’s important to get our true meanings across, and it’ll ultimately help us get further with anything in life. However, it’s easy to make a lot of noise without communicating anything real.
I asked Gabby if there were any specific experiences that taught her the importance of communication. She replied:
“There hasn’t been one specific experience, but I will say that I didn’t lose my virginity until after I graduated high school. So, when I did start having sex, I had no clue what I was doing. So, I would just ask the guys I was with if I was doing alright, or if there was something I could be doing better. I’d say about half the guys I’ve been with don’t really have much to say and will be kind of awkward about it when I ask that question during sex. The other half were able to tell me exactly what they wanted without being immature about it. I’ll say that the guys that were able to talk through it had a better experience lol.”
Well, of course! I love that Gabby brought this up. Naturally, when you’re able to normalize and discuss your turn-ons and turn-offs during or after sex, it can only go uphill from there. Clamming up about it will only continue to not only make the experience a bit less pleasurable, but it also works to make the topic of sexuality continue to be stigmatized and feel weird to bring up. We don’t need any of that shit anymore, man.
She continued on to add:
“But also, EVERYONE and every situation is different, so I think you should ask that question anytime you’re with someone new, whether you’ve slept with the whole world or it’s your first time having sex.”
I hope you’re continuing to take notes, my readers. I then asked Gabby if she felt she had the freedom to tell guys what she wanted like she hoped they would for her (in the scenario of sex and of being open about only wanting a fling). She responded:
“Yes to both. If there’s something I wish a guy would do during sex, I’ll let him know. And, if I’m just interested in something physical, I’ll let him know. I’m not big on hooking up, though, because I’d been wanting a relationship. I’ve got a boyfriend now, so I’m definitely not into just hooking up anymore😅“
As I silently rooted for Gabby’s current and new relationship, she added:
“It was a lot harder to tell a guy you’re just looking to hook up. Guys always say they wish they could hit it and quit it (as much as I hate that saying, it’s the only thing that seems fitting🙄), but I found [that] when I’d be honest and let a guy know I wasn’t attracted to him and just wanted something physical, they typically reacted negatively. Either they thought I was being slutty for asking for sex like that, or they were turned off that they weren’t the ones making a move, I guess.”
I just wanna point out how fucking weird that is. I know it’s not all guys, either, and that girls can be this way, too. But, can you maybe put your ego aside for a little bit and take things at face value? Most people aren’t actually that honest nowadays. It’s popular for every young person to get into a “relationship”, and be ghosted by someone who never expressed their true intentions. Why not be thankful when someone does?
Lastly, I wanted to ask Gabby if her fellow female friends were as open about sexuality as she was. Her response was:
“I think I surrounded myself with girls who also felt the same as me. I’ve definitely come across girls who aren’t so like-minded, but they were never girls I was super close with, so their opinions didn’t bother me. And most of my girl friends are even more wild than me, so they really don’t have a problem with it lol. And I am crushing on my boyfriend pretty hard. He’s the first guy that hasn’t made me feel like I was crazy for being so open, and the first guy to be so open back😌“
Damn RIGHT. That’s what she (and everyone) deserves.
I hope that Gabby’s case can serve as an example of how important communication actually is in sexuality, relationships, or pretty much anything in the universe. Of course, lines can be blurred, and a lot of people are afraid of looking like complete assholes by being honest. But, I’ll be the first to say (based on firsthand experience) that dishonesty and turning the cold shoulder to someone is infinitely more painful than risking breaking someone with honesty.
If there’s something you’ve been waiting to say, go out and say it. In the best case scenario, you’ll get exactly what you wanted. In the worst case scenario, you’ll find out what you always needed to know.
I wanted to give a HUGE thanks to Gabby Stanley for being a great inspiration and friend. Without her, I wouldn’t even have this wisdom to share.💕 If you’re curious about her, here are her social media accounts:
Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave feedback.✨