(Featured photo of Stephanie Van Burk)
I honestly think the immense amount of effects that heartbreak has on an individual is overlooked and underestimated. I mean, heartbreaks are seen as things you should just “get over”, and that don’t really have a significant impact on your life.
However, a heartbreak is much more complex than that. I’m sure anyone who’s had to deal with that shit can vouch for that point. Heartbreak can feel like the death of a piece (if not all) of your soul, as well as the feeling of having anything you knew being stripped away from you. It feels like falling without a safety net to catch you. If you ask me, heartbreak should be treated about on the same level as grief or trauma.
When you’re going through that much pain, and it feels as if your life has done a total 180, what the fuck are you gonna do? You’ve been sitting on the couch, eating ice cream and watching Friends for, like, two weeks already with hardly any breaks now. Is there any hope that you’ll be able to get past this stage?
Why, yes, actually. And Ms. Stephanie Van Burk is back again to suggest HOW you can.
With having as much experience in love and relationships as she’s had, I thought Stephanie would be an amazing candidate to help people feel a little less alone and more supported in the anguish of heartbreaks. So, of course, I pestered her again for her take on them and how to overcome them. Here’s what she had to say:
“Face your heartbreak. You’ve been hurt, and you feel sad. Most people are very afraid of negative feelings and will do anything to avoid them. Remember that feelings can’t hurt you. So, don’t lie to others and yourself by saying you are fine [when] you are not.”
“It’s okay to feel a whole range of emotions, including sadness, anxiety, grief, depression, confusion and anger. All are energies that want to be released from your body. One of the best ways to get the energy out is exercising. Go for a run [while] listening to music, [or] do something that makes you feel good. Also, it helps to talk to someone about it, like a trusted friend. Sometimes, just getting your feelings out can help you work through them.”
“Also, crying is a very healthy way to express feelings, so if you feel like crying, do it. It helps a lot, and you’ll feel better afterwards. Get rid of things that remind you of him [or her]. Pictures, etc. You don’t have to throw all of them out, but you should move them out from your face. Stop all contact with your ex, at least for a little while. Keeping in contact with him [or her] will make you feel even worse than you already do. Delete your ex from social media. You don’t need the constant reminder of what he/she is up to. Also, examine the relationship. Think about what went wrong, ’cause there is always a reason. Also, think about what you liked in the relationship, and what things you’d look for in the next one. This way, you can grow as a person, and eventually find the right partner. “
“So, after giving yourself some time and space, start meeting new people, and get ready to fall in love again.:)”
You know the fuck what? Stephanie’s advice was drenched in amazing points that are valuable to remember in the midst of a heartbreak. She never fails to prove me wrong when I say that she’s a love guru, I swear.
Overall, I’d say two of the big takeaways from Stephanie’s insight on coping with heartbreak are allowing yourself to process and let out your emotions (even if they’re unpleasant), and putting some distance between yourself and the situation that caused the heartbreak.
Trust me, your heart’s gonna be telling you that you’re totally fine, and can face reminders of your ex without feeling any sadness or remorse. That, my friends, is your heart leading you back to the love it feels like it can’t live without. And you deserve more than that love that broke your heart.
Take all the time that you need to overcome the extreme struggles that come with heartbreak. You’re never too young or too old to have to learn to cope with it, and there’s no time limit or specific way to address it. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or someone else, it’s up to you to find what helps you find yourself again, and to remind yourself that you are what matters most in the process.
Above all, fuck that guy or girl. They don’t know who they’re missing out on, and you’ll eventually find someone who will APPRECIATE all of it.
Thanks again to Ms. Stephanie Van Burk for offering her words of wisdom for another of my posts. I’m so honored to be able to share them with the rest of you, and I hope that this can take everyone who reads this further into the process of self-growth from heartbreak (or otherwise).
Also, my question to you: How do YOU deal with heartbreak?
Feel free to follow Ms. Stephanie Van Burk on any of her social media accounts to follow more of her wisdom and her #FREEYOURFEAR movement!