Gettin’ Kinky With Your Sexuality with Amp from “Watts The Safeword”

5/3/18

(Featured Photo of Amp from “Watts The Safeword”)

9:00 A.M.

Mood: (trying to be) prepared.

Thoughts:

“Sex” is topic that I’ve ALWAYS loved, but was also a word I used to cringe out of my skin in saying.

I’d say that this is because society has a good ol’ fuckin’ time with making natural things out to be something that you shouldn’t make direct eye contact with. You’ve gotta hit those things with skittish side glances, and that’s exactly what I’d always do.

And that was just with “vanilla”, heterosexual coitus, my friends.

So, one can assume that the youth that questions their sexuality or interests in the bedroom would feel even more like outsiders in an area that’s already viewed as taboo.

In this day and age, where high school sex ed classes fail more people than we can keep track of, digital sex ed is becoming more and more commonplace for the young’uns. They can bypass having awkward conversations about sex with family or friends, and are able to look into it on their own time, in the comfort of their own rooms. I, for one, learned more about sex that way. And now, I can scream “SEX” without cringing…as much. And only in front of friends or my boyfriend.

However, most commonly, it can be easier for heterosexual youth to have more sexual representation and role models in the online world than LGBTQ+ youth. Add in the fact that “the other layer” of sexual acts (i.e. kinks) is normally looked at as “weird”, and you’ve got yourself a rising potential for self-esteem issues and mental illnesses for those who are curious. I’m not having that.

Lo and behold, I ran into the YouTube channel called Watts The Safeword“, run by kink-friendly, gay sex educators, Amp and Bolt. They cover topics such as the ins and outs of bondage, fart fetishes and pony play (among others).

I was BEDAZZLED (if that’s even a thing a human can be)! It’s like God shined a light on them as a healthy resource!

Doing what I do best, I pestered one of the guys, Amp, into educating me and everyone else about gay sex, kink culture, and misconceptions about the two. He graciously accepted, and here’s how he answered my questions:

Had you always been comfortable with the idea of kinks? If not, how did you learn to become comfortable with it?

Kinks and sex can be a very personal and sometimes scary thing, especially when you’re raised in a Catholic household. The idea of sex at all was always a weird dynamic for me because of the way I was raised and taught [about] sex and the parallel of kink, [which convinced me that both] were bad and shouldn’t be talked about. So, naturally, it made me uncomfortable to even discuss my own sexuality, let alone kinks. Much like telling a kid not to touch something, though, the taboo nature of not being allowed to discuss sex and kinks made it all the more interesting to my growing teenage mind. I wasn’t always comfortable with it, but it was something I knew that I needed to be sexually fulfilled. Relationship after relationship of monogamy and vanilla sex just wasn’t doing it, and that’s where I found the leather community within Seattle. Getting into the scene, joining clubs, and seeing so many people able to have their kinks and still have full-time jobs that paid the bills really helped to bring my kinks full circle. Being comfortable and open about your kinks is easier when you have a community that supports and celebrates what you enjoy, and my community in Seattle really helped in that journey of coming out as kinky. If anyone ever asks how I can be so comfortable with my kinks, I always put it into perspective: We all are into something, [and] even monogamy can be a kink if it turns you on and puts you in the mood/headspace, so why not be comfortable with what makes you happy?”

How do people typically react when they find out that you teach about kink dynamics?

“How someone reacts when you tell them you do educational content on kink entirely depends on the person, honestly. They run the gamut of scandalous and disgusted reactions, to very heated, interested follow-up questions, and generally the way someone reacts is a very clear reflection as to what kind of person they are. Reactions are never so black and white, but 50 shades, if you will. No one reaction is the same.”

What are some of the most common hang-ups/misconceptions that people tend to have about kinks/people who are into kinks?

“For those who tend to react a little more negatively about kink, it’s usually because of where they come from or how they were raised. The most common [misconception] being that kinky people are not able to have normal, loving relationships. When people think about kinky sex, they imagine pain and torture and equate that to disgust and an incapability of love or a deep connection, but they couldn’t be further from the truth.”  

Why do you think that LGBTQ+ sex ed is still misunderstood/seen as taboo?

When it comes to sex-ed, as a gay man, I was never given even a comprehensive level of ‘straight sex’ in school. The reason LGBTQ+ and kinky sex is so taboo is because we act like it is ‘other’, and therefore scary and different. We are given romanticized movies, books and television series with prominent love stories between what society deems ‘normal’, so, naturally, anything outside that is taboo. It’s the lack of representation and actual education that makes LGBTQ sex taboo.”

What would you say to reassure a young, queer male or female about becoming more comfortable in their sexuality and what they choose to do in the bedroom?

“If anyone ever asks for advice about their own sex, sexuality or kinks, I always approach it with how it makes them feel. How does identifying with your sex, gender or kink make you feel? What you do behind closed doors with consenting partners that makes you happy has nothing to do with anyone else, unless you post about it on social media, but that’s fine, too! I was in those shoes too at one point; a budding gay boy who just wanted to get off and feel satisfied with my kinks, and they’ll get there, too. Just take your time, always take your safety [into consideration] first, ask questions and don’t be afraid to make mistakes.”

What can be done to de-stigmatize LGBTQ sex ed (in your opinion)?

“First off, start getting it into sex education period! Offer alternatives (or proper comprehensive sex education to begin with) in schools. It’s an uphill battle, but LGBTQ+ people exist now more than ever, and we need to demand that we get proper education. What works for our straight, penis-in-vagina counterparts doesn’t work [for us], and doesn’t represent those of us who have different forms of sex. What we need to do is continue to support one another and help to fight for comprehensive sex education for everyone, not just the LGBTQ community, and to share our experiences, be seen and fight those who are the gatekeepers of what is ‘normal’. “

Does body confidence play a role in kinks? If so, how would you suggest someone become confident enough to initiate kinks?

“When it comes to kink, confidence in general is integral and important, not to mention incredibly sexy! Wearing gear and feeling sexy in what you are wearing helps with the outward appearance, but I am always a fan of inner confidence helping to boost our outer confidence. If you want to be confident enough to initiate kink, no matter what you look like or what gear you own, educate yourself and be the best at whatever kink it is [that] gets you going.”

It can be common for people to mix up kinks and fetishes. What are the main differences?

“I do it all the time, personally. I find that the terms are synonymous in a lot of people’s mind, but a common misconception about kinks is that they are synonymous with fetishes. A kink is not a fetish, whereas a fetish can be kinky. A kink is something that turns us on that isn’t considered ‘normal’ (a.k.a. penis-in-vagina penetration/missionary sex) and lives outside the body, but can be incorporated into the bedroom. It is something dependent and focused on the individual with the kink. Whereas a fetish is something that you have to have incorporated to be aroused and is less about the person and more about an object of your desire.”

In kink culture, how do partners establish boundaries in a dominant-submissive relationship so that one isn’t damaging to the other?

“It’s all about the communication! Any relationship, kinky or not, should incorporate a good dose of communication, and in kinky relationships especially, we use it all the time. One such way of making sure you’re fulfilling your partner, but not hurting or taking advantage of your own desires, is negotiating and using things like want and need lists, discussing soft and hard limits (what you’re open to doing, and what you’re completely against) and establishing things like safe words to stop a scene should you need to.”

I don’t know about you guys, but Amp taught me a lot more about the topics of gay sex and kink culture than I ever even learned about straight, vanilla sex. I feel like I’ve run into a second sexual awakening, and I love it.

I wanted to jump on Amp’s bandwagon, too, and vouch for all of the points he gave in this Q&A. It is extremely important to your growing curiosity about your sexuality to be able to surround yourself with positive people who are like you, communicate your desires and boundaries effectively, and to remember that, as long as you’re doing what you love, and it doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, it doesn’t have to be anyone else’s damn business!

As you’ve probably been able to tell from how much I love to randomly talk about sexuality on my blog, I believe that owning your sexuality can play a huge role in keeping your mental well-being intact, as well as developing healthy boundaries between you and your potential partners. I stand by those notions for both the straight and LGBTQ+ community, and, I don’t know, I just wanted to put a little somethin’-somethin’ together to add to the growing online resources for sex ed. I could have never done it without help from Amp, though, and I just wanted to give him a FREAKIN’ HUGE THANKS for not only gracing us with his insight, but also for being an online role model for LGBTQ+ and kinky people. We’re fuckin’ glad to have you!

Of course, looking back on this, I realize that I didn’t ask all of the questions that more people could be wondering about, so I wanted to pass this question off to you guys: What other things would you like to know about kink culture and gay sex ed? 

Feel free to leave your comments on this post, or shoot Amp and Bolt a message or comment at their social media platforms:

Watts The Safeword’s website

Watts The Safeword on YouTube

Amp’s Instagram Page

Watts The Safeword on Twitter

Watts The Safeword on Facebook

Watts The Safeword’s Patreon

Thank you so much for reading, ya kinky bastards!

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